The Intimacy Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Skull

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries tremendous significance and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great also).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and nearness .

However when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They probably would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that many of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to their explanation be excellent?".

Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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